I Don't Mind Watching You
by Silawen
Summary: When he sees how Rob has grown closer to someone not himself, Sabu finally realises how jealous he's become. RVD/Sabu


A/N: Feinstein makes me want to hit him in the head with a crowbar, but for this story he was necessary. A necessary evil, I guess. Look at him as a plot-point, and you'll be much happier all around. Anyway, he mentioned this altercation between him and Sabu in one of the RF shoots, so obviously my mind got to thinking. XD

Also, Sabu and Kid Kash weren't exactly around each other all that much. So that's creative writing to a T. (A.k.a, I made it up.) Basically Sabu left ECW early 2000, I'm going to pretend he left early 2001 instead.

* * *

**I Don't Mind Watching You**

He'd pretended it'd been all about the money, when asked why he'd been so very close to tearing someone's head off merely because he thought they were cheating Rob out of cash. As he looked back it still puzzled him, how angry he had felt at the mere idea of someone messing with his friend like that. You didn't steal from Rob, and if you did then Sabu would get very pissed with you. That was the way things worked, and everyone knew it. Indeed, this afternoon, at the ECW arena, he had lost it completely. Not one of his better days, he mused, but at the time he'd felt completely justified. Rob was his friend and his tag-team partner; they were supposed to have each other's back.

Turned out the guy he'd been threatening had actually talked to Paul E. about it, and gotten permission to make the foam hands now probably lying on the floor somewhere. Frightened eyes had looked at him, confused as well, and he'd hastily apologized, stalking off to calm himself down. It hadn't really worked.

The memory still surprised him, especially that sudden surge of anger he'd felt, and it was quite startling. Sure, he'd been protective of friends before, but not to this extent. Getting mad like that, without even asking? Not usually his style, no matter what his gimmick suggested. So he sat down, going through the usual routine of finding out who he was wrestling, what he could do with them, and how difficult it would be to come up with something. He felt distracted, though, the earlier scuffle constantly at the back of his mind. Most curious, that whole encounter.

Then, of course, Rob showed up, and he immediately felt annoyed at his friend's cheery disposition. Something to do with their last match, which meant Rob felt like he was on top of the world. Sabu knew he could hardly blame his friend for not realising something was up, or that he couldn't instinctively tell what was going on. Hell, even _he_ didn't know what was going on.

"You look cranky," Rob mentioned, acting like that in itself wasn't an everyday occurrence. Sabu did what he usually did; grunt and glare. Rob gave him a funny look, then continued to rattle on about their awesome main event. Sabu listened half-heartedly, only sometimes catching a name or a move he knew, but mostly just staring at him. Perhaps spending as much time with Rob as he did had made him care more about the guy than he was used to. It made sense, they'd done so much together that he was bound to feel more protective of him.

"Are you even listening? Sabu?"

Rob was standing next to him now, rummaging through Sabu's bag to find the tape he knew was there. Sabu just rolled his eyes; figured the brat had forgotten his own stuff. He let him, he always did. Nothing of worth for him to find anyway.

"I never listen to you, Rob."

His friend chuckled.

"I know, but I always like to _pretend_ you care about what I'm saying."

That word again. Care. Sabu cared about what happened to Rob, sure, but then he could always say he had to, because without Rob they wouldn't be such a great tag-team. He ihad/i to make sure his friend was alright, if only to continue their excellent matches. Even if both of them excelled at singles work, it was the big tag matches that people talked about right now. The tables, the ladders, the chairs, the inventive double-team moves. Sometimes Sabu wished that particular fad would fade – the love for tag teams – but then there were the friendly smiles, pats on the back and concerned inquires that reminded him he rather liked teaming with Rob. Even if the guy talked too much.

"What?" he asked quietly, inwardly smiling at the exasperated look on Rob's face. He'd always been amused by all the silly ways Rob's face would contort, from childlike wonder to those suggestive smirks in the ring. He'd never met a guy quite as animated as Rob was, yet at the same time he was easygoing and much more laid back than Sabu could ever hope to be.

"Never mind." Rob sighed dramatically, nudging Sabu – something the older man grunted at – and walked back to his side of the locker room, tape in hand. What he was going to do with it, Sabu wasn't sure, but then he didn't care. Ah, the irony.

Grabbing some more tape from his bag – he always carried a lot, just in case – he started taping his fingers and wrists. He could do this without much thought, the endless applying of tape imprinted on his subconscious, which allowed his mind to wander. There were some roads he didn't allow his brain to travel, though, especially because his partner was looking at him from across the room. He had a habit of doing that. Probably trying to find out some dark secrets he thought Sabu carried around. Rob had always been a nosy fucker.

Once he was done with one wrist and started on the other, several people had entered the locker room. The tiny and rather cramped space quickly filled with people Sabu deemed useless, so he didn't bother looking up, quite glad no one was sitting anywhere near him. He could hear Rob's movements, though, indicating he wasn't so lucky. Served him right.

He could hear whispering from across the room, the owner not as quiet as he hoped they'd be, and caught his name being mentioned. Looking up, he noticed Kid Kash – Kid on bad days, Kash on days he was mildly pleasant – sitting next to Rob, head leaning against the wall. Why those two got along so well, Sabu'd never know. They weren't supposed to.

"So, what's Sabu blowing a fuse over this time?"

Sabu could see Rob look over, shake his head at Kid – right now he was annoying – and then mouth something. Probably for the best, too, because Sabu wasn't in the mood for silly stunts. And Kid Kash picking a fight with him counted as just that. Even if he liked the guy.

"Honest to God, I heard he jumped Feinstein for no reason. He's gone mental."

Goddamnit, had that made the rounds already? Sabu tugged at the last bit of tape, groaning inwardly at his luck. People would get curious, and there were at least a few people stupid – or gutsy – enough to ask him about it. Then what was he going to say? Feinstein had better keep his mouth shut, otherwise some ruined foam hands would be the least of his concerns.

Sabu didn't waste time listening to the rest of Kash's chatter, muttering something about checking the ring to Rob, – even though both knew it had been thoroughly checked by others, wrestlers Sabu trusted, already – and dropped his bag at Rob's feet for safekeeping. When it came to that, Rob was a good guy to keep around. If you didn't mind some stray weed in your bag, which Sabu really didn't.

Not even bothering to actually go to the ring, he sat down on a table. It had happened before that he felt frustrated like this – hell, it was basically an everyday occurrence – but still it annoyed him. He shouldn't have done what he did, and the worst thing about it was that he knew he normally _wouldn't_ have. Yet, he had snapped.

Sabu sighed, fingers aching because he'd put the tape on too tight. He didn't mind, it distracted him from whatever it was his mind was telling him. Instead he sat there for a long time, morosely watching as people hurried past and Paul E. had a small fit across the hall. Some things never changed.

"Ring okay?"

Sabu turned his head as his friend stopped next to him. Something about Rob's tone told him that he knew Sabu hadn't so much as touched the ring, but the older man had always been stubborn about things like this. Admitting the truth was the farthest from his mind right now, even if it concerned something insignificant like this.

"Good enough," he answered, taking his bag from Rob. He dropped it soon afterwards, not caring much, immediately distracted by Kid Kash – once again – showing up where he wasn't wanted.

"Okay, I'm just going to outright ask. What the fuck happened, man?"

There was no way that Sabu was in the mood for Kash's interrogations, the man's persistent qualities more annoying than they usually were. He'd always thought Kash's stubbornness and never-ending frankness to be a good thing, but right now he worried just how stubborn and open his friend was going to be.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but whatever it is, I didn't do it."

Rob gave a weak smile, clearly keeping up appearances for both their sakes. Sabu would have liked him to chuckle at the joke, and Kash looked about ready to kick someone's ass, but there really was no middle-ground on this one. Looking to the side, Sabu hoped Kash would soon find someone else to hang off of. He didn't usually mind the man, but if this tendency to ask unwanted questions became a habit, then Sabu'd much rather spend his time with Rob instead. At least he asked harmless questions, like what moves did you have in mind, or are we grabbing something to eat afterwards? Those he could handle, and Rob he was used to. Kid Kash, on the other hand, was more Rob's friend than his. Which caused all sorts of trouble.

"I know you can be an asshole, but attacking people for no reason is just fucked up."

Something about the glimmer in the other man's eyes told Sabu that this wasn't all about the incident with Feinstein, in fact the crossed arms and defiant glare spoke of Kash testing him, though Sabu didn't know why. He'd always thought that the man was a bit of a moron, but never had he even considered the possibility of him attacking one of the few people in ECW who didn't think he was a right brat. In fact, he was sure that had it not been for Rob's friendship – and through that, Sabu's – Kash would have been in a whole lot more trouble than he was now. Now he just had to listen to snide comments from Taz and suffer the indifference of others, but Sabu knew it would have been so much different had he not relented and embraced – in a way – the man's friendship.

"I didn't attack anyone. Why do you care, anyway?" he asked, his tone edged with boredom, but eyes strained on the man's face. He could see Rob move uncomfortably, but right now he wasn't there. All he saw were the mocking glances from Kash.

"I heard differently. And I care because I'm wondering when you're going to attack me. Only you wouldn't, would you, because I'd fight back."

"Guys," Rob tried weakly, but Sabu ignored him once again, jumping off the table and moving forward until he was nose to nose with an all too cocky Kash.

"Let's find out, shall we?" he growled, but the moment he did Rob stepped in, hands forcefully pushing both of them apart. Though much more relaxed than his two companions, he was still bigger, and when push came to shove Sabu knew he was probably stronger too.

"Knock it off!"

Kash's sly grin almost caused Sabu to ignore what Rob had said, but there was an air of desperation to his friend that he wasn't used to. Sure, he knew how annoyed Rob would get at Sabu whenever he felt the need to badmouth some of his other friends, but it was still curious to see how much he wanted them to get along.

"Fine."

Rob looked relieved. Grateful eyes turned to him, though now Rob chose to hold on to Kash instead. Pulling his friend back, Rob whispered quietly to him, and Sabu was annoyed that he couldn't quite hear what they were saying. Soon enough Kash relaxed, though, and Rob released him. They looked at each other awkwardly until Kash and Rob left him alone again. He watched them go, not even surprised that Rob was clearly taking Kash's side.

It had been strange, being around his friend. After the injury to his ankle – and subsequent time off – things had been different between them. While Sabu had admitted – to himself, at least – that he'd missed having Rob around, Rob had instead spent more time with Kash. Somehow the deterioration of one friendship had sparked the build-up of another.

Perhaps it was the change in ECW, Sabu thought, every wrestler on edge because of the money problems. He had no doubts that all the pressure that was being put on Rob – titles, angles, being a main-event draw – caused a whole lot of stress, and the way Rob's personality had changed pointed to that as well. At first he'd wondered if the new attitude – less relaxed and a lot more nervous – had been the result of Rob's friendship with Kash, but if he were honest he'd admit that it had been like that from the beginning. The moment Rob got what he wanted; a spot on top, he also became nervous and slightly irritable.

Everyone was, which sparked arguments and unnecessary fights, Sabu often a part of them. Rob not as much, he was still Rob, but he could see it in every wrestler he talked to. They felt like they had to do something drastic to save their company, draw bigger crowds and make more money, while Sabu knew no one could. Why he was sticking around, he didn't know, but he was quite sure it had to do with the friends he had here and the fact that he was still getting paid.

Picking up his bag, he slowly made his way back to the dressing room. There would be nothing for him to do, Rob's presence usually enough to relieve boredom, so instead he hoped to find someone to talk to there. He could use the distraction.

-

It was a couple of days later that Sabu found himself arguing with Kash again. He'd been late once more, something everyone was used to, and had manoeuvred his way through the building in an attempt to evade Heyman's angry bitching, eventually making it to the dressing room. Most of the wrestlers had already changed, some had even had their match, while Sabu hadn't even prepared yet.

The door was open, but Sabu was about to give it a solid kick anyway, when he saw who was still in there. Rob, standing side by side with Kid Kash, discussing something in hushed tones. Sabu paused, hands twitching as he took it all in.

There was something so utterly familiar about the way they were standing that he didn't know what to think at first. He'd seen it before, on pictures, on tape, it was like Rob and him would stand. It infuriated Sabu, the way Kash had just assumed _his_ role, and he had to force down the resentment he felt rising. It was unreasonable, and probably not even founded, but he couldn't help himself. How had he not seen the way those two had grown closer?

Rob's smile, bright and blinding, was genuine, a smile he usually reserved for someone else. And that someone could do nothing but stare, the whirlwind of people behind him not enough to distract. Sabu was angry, though not sure why. Angry at Rob, perhaps, for deciding to replace him with someone like Kash. Yet at the same time he was angry at himself, angry because he'd let another friendship deteriorate, angry because he'd realised it too late. And deep down, though he didn't even dare contemplate it, he was angry because Rob shouldn't smile like that at anyone but him.

A whisper, innocent to the eye, caused Sabu's thoughts to come to a crashing halt. Kash was smiling, a flirtatious curl to his lips. Rob flushed momentarily, though he didn't back away, and Sabu just knew – by the casual way they interacted – that it had happened before. It shouldn't have.

"Hey, Kash, shouldn't you be doing something else? Like blowing Paul in hopes of getting a push?" Sabu quipped, a rush of satisfaction coursing through him at the aghast way the kid looked at him. Soon enough the surprise disappeared, though, and was replaced by ice-cold fury. A fury Sabu recognized, having been much like that himself. He' too had been fuelled by an anger deemed justified, having felt like Rob had been disrespected, mistreated, and if he was honest Sabu would have reacted exactly the same way. Only, Sabu wouldn't have punched people tougher than him, even if he so rarely met them.

Holding his face, flinching at the pain, Sabu could just hear Rob's startled cry, saw him move between them and grab Kash's arms. Damn, the kid could throw a punch. Some tense seconds later Tommy Dreamer stormed into the room, concern clear on his face.

"What's going on?"

Kash struggled some more, but Rob had a good hold on him and several inches in height. Tommy eyed all three of them, suspicion especially evident when he came to Sabu. Rob just looked confused, though at the same time determined to keep his two friends away from each other. Not something Sabu appreciated, because if there was one thing he wanted to do right now, then it was take out his frustrations on Kash and pay him back for the aching in his jaw.

"That asshole over there-" Sabu started, but was soon interrupted.

"Nothing's going on, it's sorted," Rob cut in, though the furious look in Kash's eyes said otherwise. Tommy'd been in more than one ECW quarrel, though, and knew when to stay out of things. Still, with two volatile people like Kash and Sabu, there was bound to go something wrong. And Rob, with all his ways of calming people down, couldn't handle both. Tommy knew that, so he took to separating them.

"Right. In that case, Sabu, Paul would like to talk to you before your match."

"Fuck that shit," Sabu sneered, not yet ready to leave, and especially not while Kash had one up on him. Rob was looking at him funny – then again, when wasn't he – and the man he was holding still looked enraged, but there was a stubborn sense of pride that kept Sabu there. Even if it didn't make sense and was pretty damn stupid, he wasn't just going to leave.

"Fine, then _we'll_ go."

Sabu watched as Rob dragged Kash with him, just barely keeping the man from taking another swing. Had it not been for Tommy's rather big frame, Sabu might have done the same. However, he knew that the chances of hitting Kid were slim compared to hitting Tommy, and the pun was there for the taking.

He could just hear mutters of protest as the door slammed shut, and Sabu wondered for just a second when Rob had gone from restraining him to taking care of Kash. Another thing he apparently hadn't noticed.

"I would go to him now, he sounded really pissed," Tommy commented, slight curiosity on his face. He'd seen enough of shit to know when something was up, but he also knew not to ask. You didn't ask Sabu personal stuff like that, not unless you were Rob Van Dam. Then again, Rob had the uncanny ability of not getting the hint and continuing on with whatever Sabu was getting annoyed with.

"Paul's always pissed."

"True, but this time he's pissed at _you_."

Sabu sighed, the idea of yet another fight with his boss not a pleasant one. There'd been too many of those. For years he'd been Paul E.'s boy, which had been evident in everything, but the last couple of months things had changed. Paul had stopped showing up at shows, involving himself less and less, so Sabu hadn't felt the obligation to show up either. Had it not been for repeated phone calls from Rob – are you here yet? – and the fact that he was getting paid for this, he might not have showed up ever again.

Shaking his head, he geared up to deal with more frantic yelling and furious eyes.

-

His talk with Paul had been much of the same. Sabu blamed Paul for not being there enough, for letting everything fall apart, and Paul accused Sabu of not giving a damn either way. Both were right, but neither was admitting to it. They'd made empty promises, of showing up more, of showing up on time, but it wouldn't happen. Talking was much easier than doing, and neither felt the urge to keep to their side of the deal. At least Sabu was sure they both knew this, so it wasn't necessarily lying or being deceitful. If Paul asked, he'd be honest about it. ECW was failing, and there was nothing either of them could do.

When he returned, quite pleased with the way he'd handled Paul's endlessly uplifting chats and thinly veiled accusations, he found Rob sitting there waiting for him. Kash was nowhere in sight, which Sabu was very grateful for. He wouldn't mind spending some time with his friend without the annoying presence of said friend's puppydog. Sabu had no doubts that Kash was just using them, like a dog begged for a bone.

"What the fuck happened earlier?"

It was the first thing that came out of Rob's mouth, and Sabu at first didn't know what to do. This he hadn't expected. Rob wasn't confrontational, never had been, so he must care deeply to bring this up. Somehow that upset Sabu more than the fact that he had more bickering to look forward to.

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you say that to Kash? What's going on?" Rob sounded confused. Sabu couldn't blame him.

"Nothing's going on." He frowned. "I'm a miserable bastard, remember?"

"But you _like_ Kash, you've always liked him!"

"So? I like you, and I call you an asshole all the time."

"What did he do?" Rob asked, clearly ignoring the fact that Sabu had admitted to being nasty to him. Sometimes Sabu wondered if his friend got off on that, liked being the better man and not letting angry things get to him. He sure seemed to instigate it, with all his flighty questions and random comments.

Sabu said nothing, couldn't answer that. There was no way that he was telling Rob that he'd been jealous of the friendship he had with Kash. That would prove to be disastrous, he just knew it, and he wasn't exactly sure what that was all about, either.

"You've been nothing but an asshole lately," Rob commented.

"I've always been an asshole."

"But you never went out of your way to be."

Sabu sighed. "Well, Kid Kash brings out the worst in people."

Rob crossed his arms in a huff. "Don't blame this on him. It's not his fault that you're being a bitch."

"It's not? I disagree. By the way, does he know you're defending his honour? It's rather cute."

"Whatever. Can you be honest with me, please?"

"I _am_ being honest." Sabu frowned. "And this has nothing to do with you, so why do you care?"

"Because I don't want my friends fighting."

"Tough. This is wrestling, this is ECW, there's no such thing as friendship and there'll always be fighting. Live with it."

Bored with this, though more afraid that things would get out of hand, Sabu made to turn and walk out. He didn't mind fights, didn't mind the inevitable, but not with Rob. No matter what he'd just said about friendship, what he had with Rob counted as just that, and he didn't want to ruin it. Because that was what would happen if he continued the way he had.

Rob wouldn't let him. A hand closed around his arm, holding on tight, and Sabu stared at it. It had always been an unspoken rule between them, that Rob didn't make Sabu do anything, and it had just been broken.

"Let go," he hissed.

"I'm not done yet."

"Let go or Kash won't be the only one feeling sore in the morning. Only you'll be sore because I kicked your ass, not because you let someone fuck it."

Obviously that hadn't been the right thing to say, but then Sabu knew he had been saying the wrong things for quite a while now. The fury in Rob's eyes was clear as day, and while he felt guilty about it, it was still an amazing sight to see. Real fury, not forced or acted out, but true anger, eyes shining with undiluted rage.

"I don't fucking believe you," Rob started, fingers tightening painfully on Sabu's arm. He was very close to snapping, Rob or no Rob, and tried removing his arm from the other man's grip. No luck.

"Let go, Rob," he ordered again, but Rob shook his head. He growled. "Let go or I'll fuck up that pretty little face of yours."

A sneer, out of place and ugly, before Rob leaned in and hands tried twisting Sabu's arm back. "You wouldn't dare."

That was enough for Sabu to reach breaking point. Quickly he reversed their positions, Rob's intentions not forceful enough. He'd probably not even meant to go through with it, he was Rob, but Sabu didn't care. Rob had crossed a boundary they'd set ages ago.

Twisting one of Rob's arms back forcefully, he didn't even flinch at the cry of pain that resulted in. He spun around, knee hitting Rob so hard he stumbled forward until he hit a wall. Sabu pressed on, Rob now cheek to cheek with cheap plaster, and grabbed Rob's other arm. He held on tight, entire body keeping the heavier man from making a move.

Rob struggled, of course, but Sabu had leverage on him and he was quite sure Rob didn't want to hurt him. The man was much too loyal for that. That left Sabu at an advantage and in control.

"Sabu!"

No response, just Sabu pulling one arm up even higher. Pained whimpers calmed his rage, but not something else. As they stood there, bodies flush up against each other, he could not help but notice certain things. The way those whimpers, out of pain but reminding him of something else, did something to make his hands tingle. The shuddered movements of Rob's body, ass firmly – though without meaning to – grinding against his crotch. And the way muscles moved, a turned neck open and inviting. Sabu felt himself flush at that, heat blooming at the way Rob struggled. Images, forbidden and dangerous, crept up on him. He wanted to touch further, feel hot skin under his fingertips.

"Sabu, for fuck's sake, please!" Rob cried out, still in pain as his arms were pulled up even higher. He was lucky to be so flexible.

It brought Sabu out of his trance, though, breathing uneven as he quickly let go and stepped back. Rob dropped to one knee with a moan, still groaning softly in pain. Gingerly he moved his arms, and Sabu watched. Confused, and worse yet, turned on, he didn't know what to do.

Rob looked at him, but Sabu saw nothing. Only guilt clouded his vision. Guilt and the way his body still hummed, the way his muscles twitched. Nothing that came to mind made sense, and even Rob's worried gaze didn't change that. It was too much.

He ran, not even stopping when Rob called out to him. This he could not deal with.

-

He hadn't planned it. While his hectic life sometimes asked for it – or he pretended it did, to make himself feel better about something so cheap – he didn't often deal with the women that surrounded their every move. Ringrats, they called them, and every wrestler had to admit, sooner or later, that he'd been tempted into accepting their services. It happened, everywhere and with everyone, and he couldn't say he was above it. He wasn't, had never been.

Still, he hadn't even considered the girls that had been outside the arena that night, had learned over the years to ignore them no matter how pretty. Unless he desperately needed some distraction, that is, which had been the case this time. A tall, leggy blonde, not nearly as pretty as she thought herself to be but certainly adequate, fiddled with his pants as he encouraged her with meaningless words that she probably didn't hear anyway.

His dealings with Rob had had their effects on him and this had seemed to be the easiest way of remedying that. Being horny was a perfectly good reason to take a rat up on her offer, even if the horny part had nothing to do with her but instead with a good-looking tag-team partner. Entirely too difficult to think about, but luckily he was saved by the sensations of lips on his cock and the fact that he was too far past thinking now.

She was certainly good at it, which should have clued him in that she was a regular, but he didn't much care. As long as she could distract him, he was fine with whatever she had in mind, and a struggled moan was torn from his lips, her mouth hot and tongue inventive. No thoughts of shining eyes and soft whimpers could destroy this, and he forced himself not to give in to forbidden ideas, instead giving in to the delicious feel of talented lips working him.

He was so distracted, in fact, that he attributed hearing Rob's voice to his overactive imagination, which both annoyed and upset him. Hearing Rob's voice while he was getting a blowjob meant he was entirely too far gone.

"Sabu?" Louder, this time, and Sabu cracked open an eye, hands about to still the woman's repeated movements. Only, the door swung open, and he was already too late. A groan, audible even though Sabu had tried to suppress it, more for being caught like this than actual pleasure, but still there.

There was no surprise as Rob walked in, because Sabu had expected his friend to come find him, which begged the question why he'd gone through with it anyway. Perhaps he had wanted to be found out, wanted Rob to be disgusted, so they would go no further than friends. It would be so much easier.

He had expected it, but still the look on Rob's face remained startling. A scowl, again twisting Rob's face into something Sabu did not want to see, and something Sabu would classify as regret. Regret that he'd walked in on this, no doubt.

Something in Rob's eyes spoke of shock, too, and definite distaste. For a second Sabu wanted to apologize, explain what was going on, – not that Rob couldn't figure that out for himself – instead of having to see Rob disapprove of what he was doing. Just because Rob didn't have to use ring-rats didn't mean Sabu couldn't, though, and the memory of Rob and Kash leaning into each other like they'd done caused any feeling of remorse to disappear. If they were getting some, then he deserved to get laid too. Or a blowjob, at least.

Besides, Sabu figured, if Rob ever found out what had sparked this, he would be more than happy that Sabu had chosen this road, instead of taking his frustrations, sexual or otherwise, out on him.

"Sorry," Rob mumbled, turning swiftly and not even looking at the girl as he hurried out. Nothing could keep her from what she was doing, though, even as Rob made to slam the door shut. The last Sabu saw were haunted eyes, then there was nothing but empty pleasure and the loud sound of a door closing. He closed his eyes, but still he couldn't enjoy it. A short while later he came messily, but felt nothing.

-

They were forced to face each other soon enough, matches not so easily rescheduled. It went as expected, the two of them so used to each other that even slight awkwardness couldn't stop them from putting on a good show. Sabu noticed hesitation on Rob's part, though, moves not as slick, Rob letting him decide everything. Almost as if he'd lost faith in what he could or couldn't do.

Afterwards, when Sabu was waiting to shower, too many people crowding too few showerheads, they sat together out of habit, but Sabu could see the way Rob looked away. Nothing could keep him from talking, though, and while Sabu noted the tremor in his hands, eyes still bore in to him, tearing at the truth.

"So, who was she? Someone special?" Rob sounded casual.

Sabu snorted. "Hardly. Just a rat."

"I didn't think you would settle for 'just' anything."

Trying to figure out what Rob meant by that – if he meant anything at all – Sabu looked at him before shrugging.

"She had nice boobs. That's usually enough."

Rob sighed. "Why a ringrat, though? You could have found someone better."

"Because ringrats are easier to deal with. They don't ask so many goddamn questions, for one."

The other man slouched, clearly getting the message. "Sorry."

It struck Sabu, to hear Rob apologize again. He did it so often, and mostly for things he shouldn't have been apologizing for in the first place. It hadn't been his fault that he'd seen them, and it had been something Sabu had wanted. Or, at least he'd convinced himself of that. Make Rob see them, make their friendship awkward, he'd hoped that would change things. It hadn't, it had only made Sabu feel worse about toying with his friend.

"I'm sorry about walking in on you. I didn't know."

Sabu shrugged. "It wasn't your fault. I should have locked the door."

"Still... It's made things awkward."

He nodded. Very awkward, but by _his_ making. Not Rob's fault, but his, and he doubted it had been worth it. Resting a hand on Rob's shoulder, he got up, trying not to react to the way Rob flinched at the touch.

"I'm going to take a shower," he commented, even though he didn't have to. He needed to say something that wasn't so loaded. A refreshing blast of cold water would make him feel better, he was sure.

"Okay, I'll wait here for you."

Sabu sighed. Rob always waited.

-

The shower hadn't had its desired effect, but the icy chill had at least made him think of other things for a while. Like the way his limbs would freeze off if he remained there much longer. He'd noticed the looks from some of the other wrestlers when he stumbled out, teeth shattering slightly, scrubbing so hard with the towel that his skin saw red.

Slowly he was starting to warm up, right until he heard soft chuckling and had to turn his head. Rob had done what he'd promised, but he wasn't alone.

There was Kash, always around, and so completely at ease even though Rob was sitting next to him, half naked. It was wrong, so very wrong, the hand on Rob's shoulder too personal. It was what Sabu had thought of, what Sabu secretly wanted, and Kash had it all.

"You two are looking cosy. Don't tell me you've turned into a pair of fags. Though I'm not surprised. You always were a bit feminine, weren't you, Kid?"

It got the expected result from Rob, but Kash just laughed.

"I'm more into women, actually. But I know I could turn any man gay, if I wanted to. I'm just that great." Kash eyed him, challenging with a sly smile and wink, and his arm slowly dropped to rest around Rob's waist.

"Right, Rob?"

Sabu scowled.

"What?!" a shocked Rob asked, squirming slightly, but Sabu didn't notice. He was too busy boring holes in Kash's skull.

"I'd be amazing." Kash winked again.

It didn't surprise Sabu that the man thought so highly of himself, but it did surprise him to find out that he could see them together. He could see Rob and Kash work, their personalities fitting just like Rob and Sabu's did. He didn't dare think of how they would fit physically, though, even with Kash's attempts to make him think about just that. Late at night, listening to either the soft snoring of Rob or the silence that greeted him when he was away, he'd thought about the two of them. Ever since their clash, he'd wondered why and how. Why he'd felt like that and how they would work if they tried. He rather liked the thought of Rob beneath him, strong limbs surrendering, those whimpers out of pleasure instead of pain. He'd liked it, and that scared him so completely that he didn't dare go to sleep.

"Get out!" Nothing flashy about this one, just Sabu wanting distance between himself and Kash, but more importantly, between Kash and Rob. He'd lost all control, needed to regain it, and he couldn't do that with the two of them so very close.

"Why the fuck should I?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't think you have a match yet, right? Get on your knees for someone, see if it helps."

"Sabu!" Rob, frustrated, angry.

Kash simply smirked. "Is that how _you_ got your spot? Blowing Paul E. in a backroom somewhere? Don't worry, Sabu, I don't have to stoop that low."

Sabu lunged for him, almost knocking Rob's head off in the process. A flurry of hands, fists grazing chins, knees brought up with incredible force. Kash doubled over, but was able to strike back with a solid shoulder to the stomach, Rob bracing himself in between. He begged them to stop, over and over, but it wasn't until a nasty punch caught him unawares, pained groan audible, that the two paused.

They eyed each other, then the slumped form of their friend. Kash kneeled beside him, leaving Sabu to feel left out.

"Fuck, Rob, I'm sorry, that wasn't meant for you," Kash apologized, gingerly touching his friend's shoulder. Rob shrugged it off, furious eyes alternating between the two. He turned to Kash, eyes softening. Sabu hated having to see that.

"I know, it's fine," Rob muttered, holding his face, obviously still in pain. "Just...leave us alone for a minute, okay?"

Pulling Rob's hand away, Kash looked at the red mark his fist had created, hissing softly, then patted Rob's shoulder. There was a moment of hesitation, still, but eventually he relented.

"Fine, I'll go. Sorry about that, though," Kash murmured, the brush of a hand too gentle for Sabu's liking. Eventually he left, leaving the two of them. Sabu didn't realise it at first, too caught up in the thought of how gentle those two might have been while he wasn't around. And more importantly, if there'd been fire – rough, gritty – as well. It angered him.

Rob watched Kash go, a look of contemplation on his face, and Sabu watched _him_.

He couldn't help himself. There was this violent urge to do something, to stop Rob from thinking about anyone but him. He was standing there, so completely unaware of what Sabu was thinking, the murderous rage that had developed at the mere thought of Kash touching him, kissing him. When Rob turned, having closed the door behind his friend, Sabu was sure he'd be able to see the jealousy in his eyes. Only, Rob just looked at him with accusation, nothing else, and for a second Sabu felt dejected.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Rob's voice interrupted his thoughts viciously, the angry edge to them showing how annoyed his friend was getting. Usually he'd choose Sabu's side, but nothing could be further from the truth now.

"Doing what?"

"Goading him, pissing him off. Is there something about him that offends you?"

"Of course. His entire existence offends me." Sabu smirked, which resulted in another annoyed huff from Rob. It was a defence mechanism, to turn to humour. If it wasn't sarcasm and biting comments, then he'd try and rattle his friend's nerves with jokes, even though it only happened occasionally. Anything to not be honest.

"I'm not kidding, just tell me!"

Anger in amber eyes, an anger that almost frightened him. Had he not been convinced that Rob respected him far too much to try anything, he might have considered defending himself, but as it stood he remained where he was, awed by the open display of emotion on the guy's face. Anger, annoyance, and a great deal of confusion. It wasn't the first time Sabu had inspired such feelings in his friend, but it was definitely the first time he felt like he was losing control because of it.

"No." He scowled, crossing his arms as Rob paced back and forward, feet hitting the ground heavily, almost as if he was trying to create a different path to take. And Sabu had no doubt that the path would lead away from him.

"Why won't you tell me?!" Rob all but yelled, the sound foreign to Sabu's ears. There was a raw anger behind it that he had not yet seen. Powered by frustration, the hand that had now taken a hold of Sabu's arm constricted painfully, the way Rob was looking at him so, so wrong. Sabu knew he must have done something horrible to bring this out in him, and he immediately felt guilty because of it. Usually he'd be the first to berate whoever caused Rob such grief – veiled by the need to challenge whoever he met – and now he'd been the cause.

Yet that thought scared him. He'd been screwed over so many times, in so many painful ways, that the mere thought of allowing him in seemed impossible. He had faith in Rob, but he didn't have faith in humanity's flaws. Everyone, including his friend, would choose the easier path, dooming Sabu in the progress. There was a reason why he wasn't in WCW, as he'd planned to, and it had been a friend stabbing him in the back. For Rob to be even more than a friend – a confidant, everything – he would have to trust him. And trust was not something he gave.

"Just because we're friends doesn't give you the right to boss me around," he hissed, pulling his arm away, flinching at the feeling of nails on skin. Rob hadn't planned on letting go, and as he stared at his arm he could see the long, red trails on his arm, signifying that Rob was not okay with this. How things had changed.

"Damnit, Sabu, why won't you tell me?" Rob asked again, soft this time, the vulnerability in his eyes causing Sabu to turn away. "I thought you trusted me."

"I trust you to fuck me over, just like I trust everyone else to. I just give you more leeway than I do most," Sabu grumbled, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. These kind of situations really weren't good on him, especially because the jumble of emotions – jealousy, anger, regret – messed with his mind too much. All of it was worsened by the fact that he knew Rob would be disappointed, and he hated to disappoint his friend. Rob was so loyal, so trusting, that every time Sabu had to tell him he was wrong felt like a kick to the gut.

"Oh."

There it was, that upset, hurt tone that made his skin crawl. He so wanted to attack someone, perhaps himself, just to change the focus from Rob's downcast eyes to something else. Preferably something that would make Rob forget about all this.

"Look, if it's any consolation," Sabu started, feeling awkward in his attempt to take the pressure off, "I'd be more likely to trust you than any of the other fuckers around here."

Not that that was much of a compliment, Sabu knew. Wrestlers were a backstabbing bunch by default, those in ECW just as bad, if not worse, as the rest of them. To break the glass ceiling, or even just approach it, there was nothing wrestlers wouldn't do. Trust needed to be earned, and many a time it was broken the moment something better came along. Sabu knew, because he'd done so himself. Perhaps Rob was just still too green to realise.

Of course the man had always put Sabu on a pedestal. Ever since their first meeting, the shine in Rob's eyes when he looked at him betrayed a warped view. A view Sabu very much appreciated, but one he knew was wrong, nonetheless. Where most people saw a madman, Rob saw a role-model, which in turn frightened and confused the man he was looking up to. So many expectations, it put a pressure on Sabu he didn't need, didn't want. So he fought it, did everything wrong, yet still that gleam remained. He'd often wondered how far he could go, before even Rob would give up. He had to, one day.

It was the way the business worked. People changed, gave in. Sabu knew it all too well. Sometimes, when they were alone in hotel-rooms, or sitting together in bars, Sabu would look at his friend and picture the way the business would change him as well. Gone were the glowing eyes, the cheeks red with excitement, and the easy smile. Gone was Sabu, as well, replaced by men so much better looking, so much more successful. Men he instantly despised, because he knew Rob would fit in with them.

"I...I guess I'll go find Kash."

Sabu looked up, trying not to see the way Rob glanced his way. He'd see a look of regret. Regret, perhaps, because they could never be convenient, never quite right. And he regretted it too, wished he could say something, anything, to stop Rob from going to the other man. But he'd already said too much, and what he'd said had only disappointed, driven Rob right where Sabu didn't want him to go.

He nodded, skin cold, watching solemnly as the door closed. Suddenly he felt very alone.

-

The hushed silence of an early morning was usually something Sabu enjoyed. Whenever he could, he'd search for a quiet place to sit, or a remote diner to get his food at, and the fewer people there, the better. Rob had never minded, even if he had the annoying habit of striking up a conversation with the few people who _were_ there, but as long as they kept their voices down, Sabu had always managed to live with that.

Now, though, the serenity of a lonesome park-bench, secluded and far from the main road, meant having to endure the painful silence between them. It was early, too early, and yet they'd been up for a while now. Life on the road asked for flexible thinking, especially when roads threatened to shut down because of heavy winds and snowstorms. He could almost picture the devastation they would have to go through to get to the building, and he was glad they'd chosen a strong rental this time.

While the place they were heading for promised to be covered in snow, their current location was rather pleasant. It was cold, and it had rained recently, but it wasn't too bad. Especially because the sun had been creeping slowly upwards, casting a glow on everything, making the wet leaves sparkle. Sabu noticed, only because usually Rob would. However, instead of commenting, his friend had been nothing but silent.

"You could have gone with Kash, you know," Sabu murmured softly, staring at the sandwich that had looked so appetizing earlier but suddenly tasted like regret. Rob hadn't even touched his.

"I travel with you."

It was supposed to answer everything, Sabu knew, and it probably made sense to Rob, but this strange sense of loyalty didn't make sense. They'd been at each other's throats the last couple of weeks, their fights always resulting in an upset Rob storming off, and yet he'd showed up the following morning anyway, ready to drive them around. It wasn't pleasant, but they went on. Sabu didn't know why.

He'd seen them, Sabu recalled grimly. He'd seen Kash console Rob after another one of their rows, had caught the hand resting comfortingly on a shaking shoulder. Kash didn't seem at all affected by the uncharacteristic anger that Rob displayed, which enraged Sabu even further. Again something the kid had up on him.

He'd also seen the sneer to Kash's lips when they spoke, the vehement shaking of the head that indicated Rob disagreed on something. Somehow he knew he'd been the sole topic of that conversation, and while he hated the way Rob smiled at his friend afterwards, he did feel a rush of pride at the fact that Rob was still taking his side.

Sabu could have gone without the hug, though, and the way Kash was just tall enough to get away with nuzzling the other man's neck. It had instantly sparked the jealousy Sabu had tried so hard to push down, because the gleam in Rob's eyes looked so very familiar.

"Rob?" Sabu asked hurriedly, pushing back those unwanted memories. Rob looked up questioningly, eyes tired but still interested.

"Yeah?"

"We should probably get going," he replied, even though they'd only been there a couple of minutes and they usually took much longer breaks.

"But you haven't finished your sandwich."

"So? You haven't even touched yours."

A snort, Rob's for once. "I'm not hungry."

Nothing was said as they walked to the car, Rob dropping his sandwich in a bin before climbing behind the wheel. Sabu already sat waiting for him, holding the food he was intent on finishing. If only because Rob would feel much better if he did. Things like that that told Sabu that everything the man did influenced him, which sparked a strong desire to resist just that. Only it was squashed down by the knowledge that he'd disappointed Rob enough for now, the thought of making it even worse unbearable.

They drove in silence, the humming of the engine all there was to listen to, and Sabu almost wished they could argue, get it out in the open, but he didn't know how Rob's driving would fare under the onslaught. Better not risk it.

So he sat there, slowly dozing off as trees sped by and the turning wheels devoured mile after mile. Relaxing in his warm coat, he could forget for a while that his life had suddenly become that much more annoying. Not that life itself wasn't annoying, but Rob's strange devotion had always made it easier to deal with. This newfound spirit, complete with grumpy reactions and lacklustre attempts to care, it didn't fit, and made for such a frustrating couple of weeks.

It wasn't until the screeching of tires woke him that Sabu realised he'd fallen asleep. Torn from his empty dreams, he felt his body snap against the restraints, car drifting across the road as Rob shouted angrily next to him. They came to a sudden halt, the flighty form of a deer running away through the trees. Muscles ached, and he was breathing heavily, but apart from that he seemed fine. What could have been a terrible accident, had only been an unplanned trip to the other side of the road and against a nearby fence. As it was they were perfectly safe, and Sabu thanked the Gods that no one had been passing them, and that this rural spot of nowhere really was as empty as they sometimes said.

Looking to the side, he could see Rob sitting there, eyes closed and hands holding his forehead. He was shaking, which wasn't surprising considering the consequences the event might have had, and Sabu could just keep from making a snide remark about his driving skills. This was not the time.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, not expecting the angry response he got.

"Like you care."

He didn't even have time to reply to that before Rob was out of the car, glaring fiercely at the wooden fence they'd almost ruined, before crossing the road – without looking, Sabu noticed grumpily – and following the deer into the woods.

For just a second Sabu considered just staying where he was, allowing Rob to vent his anger on some poor, unsuspecting tree, but if his friend _had_ somehow hit his head, then continuing on might include much searching of woods and dragging Rob's unconscious body back to the car. That would only prove to be an annoyance, and Sabu hated that.

"Hey, where the fuck are you going?!" he called, but the raised middle-finger told him that wasn't going to work. Sharing some obscenities with the lonely cow that stood behind the fence - staring at him with a mildly moronic expression - he grabbed the keys and locked the car, firmly against the idea of being stuck in the middle of nowhere without a vehicle. Hurrying after his friend, he wondered when it had gotten to the point of him following Rob around. There was irony in that, he supposed.

Luckily he found Rob only a little ways off, leaning against a tree with an unreadable expression on his face. He didn't even look up, though Sabu was convinced he knew he was there, the art of walking silently lost on the man. After all, he did not have the skills or balance to pull off something like that, and it sounded too much like the wrong kind of Indian.

"That car isn't going to drive itself, you know," Sabu commented, but wasn't met with the angry response he'd expected. Instead Rob kept looking at the ground, so Sabu took the time to check for any damage. It didn't seem like his friend was injured, though one could never really tell. A bump took a while to become very prominent, after all. He just looked frustrated.

Sabu sighed. "Okay, Rob, what is going on?"

Some more silence, so long Sabu almost considered saying something more, until Rob finally spoke. His voice was hoarse, like he was pushing back unwanted emotions. It sounded rather plausible, if the myriad of different moods indicated anything.

"I almost got us killed. No wonder you don't trust me."

Not just angry at Sabu, then. Angry at himself, angry at the world.

"No, you didn't. That deer made a valiant effort, though."

Rob looked at him. "I was distracted. I was thinking about other things. I fucked up, like you said I would."

"I said you'd _fuck me over_, not that you'd fuck up. Hell, if I alienated every dimwit who fucked up, I'd have to drive off everyone, myself included."

"I've done nothing but fuck up, lately."

Sabu sighed. "How's that?"

"I assumed we were friends."

"We _are_ friends."

"Then why won't you trust me?"

Back to the anger, hidden behind a soft voice and harsh eyes. Somehow the thunderous feel of Rob's rage, waiting, threatening to spill with every breath, was amplified by the hushed silence around them, trees looming high and proud, casting shadows on them both. It was eerie, this empty land of nothing, with them standing there arguing, personalities twisted and changed.

Sabu hated that this had all been caused by that one thing he'd said. He never really thought about it, trust. It had been a while since he'd last really trusted someone, and it had never even occurred to him that it was such an integral part of friendship. Perhaps that's where Rob's loyalty had come from; trust. Did that mean Rob trusted him? It seemed almost strange, thinking about it now, because if there was anything Sabu didn't deserve, then it was trust.

He didn't think he trusted Rob, had even told him so, and yet he'd been sound asleep through raging storms, let Rob take him wherever, and always confident that he'd be fine. There were spots he'd do with no one else, and they came effortlessly. He did it without question, felt comfortable enough to be at his most vulnerable, wasn't that a form of trust as well?

"It's not you. I stopped trusting people ages ago," he murmured, images of ruined hopes replaying in his head. There was a reason he didn't trust people, from the early beginnings when wrestlers would friend him to meet his uncle, during times where he'd be stabbed in the back simply because of who he was related to, to now, where he had to defend his spot hand, nail and tooth.

"Why?"

"They never live up to it."

"Haven't I?"

Sabu thought about that. Sure, Rob had made quite a few mistakes during their friendship, but he'd always made up for it. Caring words, helping hands, wanted and unwanted attempts at making him feel better. Sabu groused about it enough, but if he was totally honest he had to admit he rather liked Rob fawning over him. Seeing his friend stand up for him, look up to him, it resulted in a strange kind of pride. Proud that he was apparently worth the bother, and proud that he hadn't fucked it up yet. Because unlike Rob, Sabu definitely expected that he'd do just that.

"Fine, don't bother," Rob snapped, obviously taking the silence as a negative. Sabu didn't know what to say.

He simply followed as Rob stalked through the trees again, this time heading for the car. Sabu knew he should have said something, make sure Rob didn't think he was like the rest of them. He wasn't. If Sabu had learned anything over the last couple of weeks, then it was that nothing tore at him like Rob's anger and hurt. His friend didn't deserve any of it, and more than anything those twisted scowls and saddened eyes seemed so very wrong.

Rob wasn't supposed to be like that, look like that. He was friendly, remained positive even though Sabu had long given up, and always shining. Shining, so strongly that everyone could see, that was Rob. Even Sabu could see it, Rob's easy smile and good looks something he envied him for.

Watching as people's faces lit up, simply because his friend was around, it sparked that envy above all. Also, as they all took in the sight, he felt jealous. Jealous at the mere idea of them looking at Rob that way, vicious because of it. It wasn't right.

And yet he himself had done so, many times. Found his eyes glued to the pretty boy features that he'd so detested in the beginning. Even Rob's girlish hair, neat, glimmering in a way that betrayed the right kind of shampoo and some tender love and care, asked to be looked at. Sabu'd griped about it enough, but he still caught himself staring.

There was also that smile, those blinding white teeth, and the smooth, smooth skin not yet marred with ragged scars. He knew what it felt like, all slick with sweat, unbelievably warm under his hands. Every time muscles moved, he'd be marvelled, visions of grace and elegance all-consuming. Rob didn't just jump, he soared, and there was something so very beautiful about it.

Thinking like that was silly, of course, and Sabu had no doubt that the other man would laugh, but still he did. Longed for it. Where everything Rob did was beautiful, art, he had to resort to blood and violence so grotesque it surprised even him. They were such opposites.

So when Rob scowled at him before demanding the keys back, face scrunched up and ugly, Sabu feared he hadn't just destroyed their friendship, but so much more.

-

_"What are you doing?" he demanded, eyes searching familiar features. He knew this kid, vaguely, but he didn't warrant a name. So few people did. Names meant nothing in a business where everyone pretended to be someone else. No, Sabu didn't care what the man was called._

_"What? I'm not sure what you mean..."_

_Sabu scowled. "What's that you have?"_

_The nameless man looked down, hand twitching nervously as he lifted the bag. Sabu had seen a flash of it, noticed green foam in a familiar shape. Already he was getting angry, the way the man was skulking about, hiding what he'd been carrying, a clear sign that something was up. He'd get to the bottom of it._

_"It's just... It's a foam hand."_

_Indeed it was, and it was clear who it was based on. Rob. Stolen, most likely, his gimmick infringed on and used to make money. Sabu saw red, couldn't help himself._

_As hands grabbed a handful of shirt, the other man gave a startled cry. Not a wrestler, then, which made it even worse. This guy didn't belong, had stepped in to take advantage of something – and with it, someone – he wasn't a part of. So he held on tighter, nails digging so deep that Sabu could feel them cut into his own palm. He didn't much care._

_"You making money off Rob?" he hissed, pleased to feel a clear shudder rack the other man's body. Fervent shaking of the head, too, and a prominent quiver to his voice. Good, he thought, because if there was one thing he would not stand for, then it was someone stealing from his friend._

_"No, no! I had permission!"_

_He frowned. Had Rob mentioned anything? He wouldn't have forgotten, those foam hands were bound to be annoying and Rob loved annoying. Especially because every new piece of merchandise needed to be heralded like the second coming of Barbie. A comparison Sabu had detested even more than he did Rob's constant pointing out that Sabu must love pink._

_"From who?"_

_"Heyman!"_

_Sabu blinked. Whoever this was, he sounded sincere enough. Again he had this feeling that he knew him, had seen him around before, but there were so many people working for ECW that he couldn't be sure. He saw hundreds, thousands of people every week, either backstage or in the crowd. He could just have been a deluded fan._

_Releasing him slowly, he searched for truth in the man's eyes. After a few seconds he was sure of it, could see that he wasn't lying. For once someone was being truthful, and while it came as a surprise, it also served to make Sabu feel very foolish._

_"I'm sorry," he murmured, voice laced with guilt, not even looking back as he stormed off. Somehow things had changed pretty fast, and it did nothing but confuse him._

-

Sabu opened his eyes, scowling even at the memory. That had been the start of it all. Perhaps he should go beat Feinstein up, just to prove a point. As he sat there, though, he started to wonder if it _had_ been the cause. If he'd been totally honest, he had to say that it was frustration that had lead to where he was. Frustration, because he'd missed Rob and suspected him of not caring. Had found himself replaced by a smart-mouthed pretty boy with highflying moves and an ego-problem. So similar, yet so different.

It hurt to see things change before his eyes. Usually he was all for it, but this he did not want. He wanted things to be as they were. Casual touches, meaning nothing, bitching as Rob hugged him in the ring, listening to nonsensical prattle as they drove, forgetting he wasn't supposed to care... And he wasn't, wasn't supposed to give a fuck about who Rob leaned into, who Rob confided in, or who Rob thought of at night. But he did.

"Damnit!" he swore, kicking savagely at a garbage can. It toppled over, spilling its content on the already dirty floor. He didn't care. From across the hallway, waiting patiently for Heyman to finish his chat with Taz, stood Jerry Lynn. Wise eyes, wise beyond their years, saw more than they were supposed to, and Sabu wished he could have evaded them. He liked his secrets.

"Trashcan offend you?"

"Yes," Sabu snarled, "It was asking stupid questions."

Jerry ignored it, just smiled, and though he'd never really had any problems with the guy, Sabu suddenly wanted to throw said trashcan at his head.

"My guess is, you're pissed off because of your little tiff with Rob."

Sabu glared viciously, but it had no effect.

"Come on, Sabu," the other man continued, "You had to know he'd stop worshipping you one of these days."

"It's not about that."

Another grin. "I hear Egypt's lovely this time of year."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean."

Sabu glowered fiercely, already thinking of creative ways to make life horrible for the man. Just because he'd wrestled Rob a lot – and him, too, now Sabu thought of it – didn't mean he was an expert and need to stick his nose where it didn't belong.

"Mind your own business," he ordered, but Jerry just laughed. The door swung open, a very disgruntled Taz thundering out. For once he ignored Sabu, instead chose to kick at the garbage can Sabu had just done the same to. Soft laughter from the other side, then Jerry motioned for him to go in first.

"You better go. I don't want to think of what other unsuspecting items you're going to inflict your rage on."

Ignoring the man's annoying prattle, Sabu just caught what he said next.

"Mind you, I think it's good Rob is spending more time with Kid Kash. We don't want you rubbing off on him."

He'd meant it as a joke, obviously, but Sabu still slammed the door. Heyman, bug eyed as usual, sat at his desk looking much like he'd just been chased by hungry hyenas and had jumped into the wrong tree for safety.

"What is it with you people!?"

No one envied their boss, especially not with the clashing personalities running around ECW. Still, he hadn't often been this frazzled, having to deal with both Sabu and Taz's charming personalities. Sabu didn't give a fuck either way, for he didn't much like the man these days, having considered him a friend right up to the point where he screwed him out of a WCW contract and instead forced him to stay in ECW. It hadn't endeared the man to him in the slightest

"You wanted to talk," Sabu muttered, crossing his arm defensively as he finally came to a halt. Paul eyed him wearily, fingering his phone before nodding. The 'office' didn't look like much, but at least it served some kind of purpose. In this moment, proving to keep prying eyes from seeing too much.

"You have a match tonight."

"I always have a match."

"I know, but it's with Kid Kash."

Sabu gritted his teeth as Heyman raised his hands in an attempt to calm him down. He hadn't even gotten started.

"I know, I know, you haven't exactly been best of friends, but bear with me. People know you don't get along right now. I figured we could use it."

"Is that it?"

Heyman sighed. "Just...be reasonable. You're the veteran, don't use this to get at him."

"I can't help it if a chair happens to slip out of my hands and onto his head. Shit happens."

"I'm serious, Sabu. No tricks."

A derisive snort, Paul's eyes pleading. This was going to be a long night, he was sure of it. Being reasonable to Kid Kash had been a problem for weeks now and with all the adrenaline pumping, the crowd cheering, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep himself in check. Still, Paul had a point, and Sabu knew that if he took liberties with Kash, Rob was going to throw another huge fit. Which was mildly amusing, but more trouble than it was worth.

"Fine," he promised, though barely. If Kash was going to be trouble, then so was he.

-

"I can't believe that cocksucker!" Sabu fumed, people jumping out of his way as he stormed through the hallways. They had expected such a reaction, though they had put money on there being a lot more blood. As it stood the only blood flowed from a gash across Sabu's back – tables were a bitch – and his busted mouth.

It had taken one serious punch, followed by malicious grinning, for the match to escalate . Wrestlers and fans alike had watched carefully, wrestlers worried, fans fascinated. Had it not been for the referee and the insistent yelling of Tommy Dreamer – stuck at ringside because he knew things would go wrong – they would have done much worse to each other. Instead Sabu was left swearing left and right, and at the same time complaining that yelling hurt, flinching at the pull of torn skin every time he moved. Not Kash's fault, but he was blaming it on him anyway.

He was angry, though, that he hadn't been able to return the favour, save a flurry of punches early on, but Heyman's words had rung in the back of his head, and he knew Rob was watching. Add to that the way Dreamer was looking at him – fierce, with a feel of authority – and he had to concede that doing something now was unprofessional and unnecessary. But oh, he'd wanted to.

Now Kash was gone, smiles and cockiness no match for Sabu's rage, and nowhere to be found. He didn't care, looking to find him. All he found was an empty dressing room, wrestlers streaming out the moment they saw him coming. Even Taz had the intelligence to stay out of his way, though he still found time to mutter angrily about drama-queens and their moods.

Cringing at the pain in his back, sure there were still some splinters lodged in his flesh, Sabu decided to give up. He'd find the brat some other time, and he'd break his face, but for now it could wait. He wouldn't find him, Kash a slippery sort of guy, and he needed to find some way to relax. Calm down before Rob showed up and bitched at him. Because while Kash had been much worse, Sabu hadn't been perfect, and he was sure he'd be blamed for it all.

Turning in front of the mirror, he tried inspecting the damage. Another cut or bruise didn't matter to him, but the thought of infection asked for a check-up, so he twisted his head to get a closer look. Angry scratches stood out against his skin, blood drying around the sharp line that the table had drawn across his back. It didn't hurt as much as it pulled, every movement causing the skin to ripple across muscles.

"Nice."

Rob, as expected. He didn't bother moving, a rather concerned looking friend easy to spot as Sabu looked in the mirror. They'd gone through so much worse, but still every time Rob caught him admiring his battlescars – Sabu was slightly vain about at least that – there was a bit of worry. It was rather cute.

"Your mouth okay?" Rob asked, perhaps fed up with waiting for Sabu to answer. He'd stepped inside, closing the door calmly, much more so than Sabu had expected. Perhaps he wasn't going to be yelled at, it would be a nice distraction.

He touched his jaw carefully, but it didn't ache much. "It doesn't hurt."

"And your back?"

Shrugging, Sabu examined it again in the mirror. It seemed like a fairly shallow cut, but it might need stitches. That meant having to go to the hospital, because none of the backstage crew was to be trusted with a needle and thread. Even if it was to stitch someone's skin back together.

"I don't mind scars." Sabu turned his head, suddenly feeling malicious at the thought of Kash being fine while he was left to deal with a worrywart. "Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?"

Rob sighed. "He hit you harder than you did him, I figured I'd make sure you were alright." A pause. "And stop calling him my boyfriend."

"Fucking around with someone usually makes him your boyfriend. You seem like the type, anyway. Unless you prefer the term boy_toy_. Though I do have to wonder if that would make him the boy and you the toy."

"There is nothing between Kash and me, never has been," Rob said, exasperated.

Sabu made a face. "Now that's dangerous. You know what they say about not using condoms. Death-wish and all that."

Rob's eyes narrowed dangerously, but Sabu didn't relent. He rather liked their verbal sparring, it kept him from having to be honest about things.

"That was weak."

"It's still true."

"You're one to talk about safe sex. You fuck ringrats; those aren't safe even _with_ a condom."

Sabu snorted. "I don't fuck ringrats. Even I'm not that stupid."

"No, because obviously that girl I saw on her knees in front of you had dropped something and figured you'd stuffed it down your pants."

"One of these days someone is going to have to teach you the difference between a blowjob and sex, Van Dam. I'm surprised Kash hasn't explained it to you, what with all the time he spends on his knees."

"Leave him alone."

"Ah, again with the defending. I should tape this, your boyfriend might get off on it."

"Knock it off! Do you _want_ me to hook up with Kash? Is that it? Because you're certainly persistent enough!"

"I don't give a fuck who you hook up with, though I thought you had better taste."

A flash of disappointment, then Rob grimaced, fierceness returning.

"Oh, come on, you've done nothing but shoot your load at the thought. You're goddamn obsessed with it. If guy on guy action gets you off then you really should do something about it, Sabu, because it's becoming a royal pain in the ass."

Sabu growled, too busy being angry to mention the ironic choice of words. "You watch what you say, bitch, or Kash won't be the only one walking funny!"

"There you go again. You sure it's not just wishful thinking?"

He was so very close to slugging Rob in the face, the mocking smile about enough, but it would reveal too much. It would reveal he cared, and that was sure to cause Rob to raise an eyebrow. If he still could after Sabu broke his face.

"Shut up."

"No, screw you and your jealousy issues. Just because you think we are getting some doesn't mean you can have a fit about it every time we're in the same fucking room."

"I'm not jealous."

He was slipping, so fast, so far, that he didn't know what to do. A gaping hole had opened beneath him, threatening to swallow what was left of his resolve, taking away his ability to think and talk. Rob was getting so dangerously close with his questions, scratching a surface Sabu didn't want him to breach. Did he know? Were these questions tempting him, mocking him, or did Rob really think that was what Sabu was jealous of?

"If you're so interested in my love-life, you could always ask."

Sabu snickered. "Like I said, I don't give a fuck, and I certainly don't want to hear about you and loverboy."

"Sabu..." Rob began, sounding tired.

"What, you want me to mope? Write pages of poetry about my poor, bleeding heart? Please, Rob. If you want to fuck around with a guy like Kash, be my guest."

"Then why do you bitch about it so much? If it were true, which it isn't."

"Like I said, I thought you had better taste. Besides, it isn't exactly a pretty sight."

"Who did you have in mind, then, who can meet your high standards? Ringrats? No, thanks."

_Me_, Sabu wanted to say. Not Kash, not a sleazy ringrat, not anyone but him. All this talking about relationships had made him realize how alone he'd be if Rob decided to travel with someone else, if their on-screen and off-screen friendship was interrupted because they couldn't stand each other anymore. There were new guys he could ask, of course, but they were yes-men and always did as he asked. They cared only for their next match, not for the pained grimaces of their travelling companion. Only Rob really cared.

So he said nothing, taking in every movement of Rob's heaving chest, every twitch of his fingers. He looked upset instead of angry, but Sabu was too tired to delve into that. Rob could be whatever he wanted to be.

"I'm tired of this, Sabu," Rob whispered, arms wrapping around himself as if he were cold, though the sweater he was wearing looked thick and warm.

"Something has changed and I don't know what," he continued, fingers plucking at invisible strands. "I wish I knew, but I don't. Perhaps it'd be better if I start travelling with Kash, like you said."

"What, you're breaking up with me? That's ironic."

Rob frowned. "I'm being serious."

"As am I. I didn't know we were a couple."

Jokes, sarcasm, he lived on it. They were his safety blanket and he so needed it now. He was being abandoned once again.

"I've tried, Sabu. Apparently you don't give a fuck. That's fine." Rob sounded sad, like he'd sounded when Sabu had crushed any hope Rob had of being trusted. "I cared too much anyway."

Sabu frowned.

"What?"

"I worry too much, care too much. You don't want me to, you never did, so perhaps things'll be easier on you this way."

He'd always wondered what he'd done to deserve that. What someone like him had ever accomplished to find himself under the adoring eye of someone like Rob. Dealing with it was easy, owning up to the consequences not so much.

"Rob..." Don't, he wanted to say. Stay, he wanted to plead. He did neither.

A smile, a shrug, then Rob made to turn. If he let him go now, then that'd be that, Sabu knew. He wouldn't be able to say anything, there would be no 'them', and he'd be left to his own devices. The idea scared him so very much.

He grabbed as much of Rob's sweater as he could, not wanting to let him slip through, instead hauling Rob towards him. There was no stopping him now. All or nothing. So lips crushed together, everything quieted by a mouth all too greedy. It wasn't supposed to happen, but it had been a long time coming.

Sabu could do nothing but kiss the man, ignore the questions tumbling around in his head, ignore the consequences he knew were immense, and instead focus on the taste of iron in his mouth, lip still a bloody mess, and the fact that Rob hadn't pulled back yet. Or, perhaps, he simply hadn't noticed.

A hand slapped at him, though half-heartedly, so Sabu grabbed it and pushed it against the wall. The other threatened to do the same, but halfway it relented and instead hooked around Sabu's waist. A surge of adrenaline racked his body at that, the realisation that Rob wasn't resisting a rush he had never experienced before. A shudder ran up his spine, kisses slowing down from violent clashes to something less demanding. The taste in his mouth was so different, blood, salty sweat, Rob, that he had trouble defining it. He wanted to take all the time in the world for it.

Turning his head, their lips broke apart, Rob's gasping breaths music to his ears. Sabu gave him the time, secure in the knowledge that with Rob's hand on his back and the insistent rubbing of a leg against his, there was little chance of him resisting. He could hear his own thudding heartbeat, racing as fast as it did whenever he did an impossible spot. This was even better.

For a few seconds they looked at each other, so close that Sabu could feel Rob's laboured breath on his face. Neither spoke, unsure what was going on and if they should do something about it. Smart-assed comments, regarding Kash, regarding the way Rob remained arched into him, they begged to be made, but even with all that Sabu couldn't bear to do it.

Rob was the first to speak, still stuck between the wall and Sabu's unyielding body. Neither man had any intention of moving, quite happy to remain where they were, knowing the door was locked and it was just them. Just them, something Sabu appreciated, for the last couple of weeks Kid Kash had always been hovering at the back of his mind and inserting himself where he was not wanted.

"What are we doing?" came the hushed question, though Rob's hands had yet to release the hem of Sabu's pants. The question was a valid one, important and negligible all in one go. What should it matter, Sabu thought, what it was they had going on? It was something he needed, it didn't require any explanation.

Yet at the same time what was going on was so vital that Sabu more than understood why Rob's hands were shaking and his breathing remained uneven. Sabu could be nothing but honest. He'd been lying enough, lately.

"I don't know."

A small smile. "I figured."

Sabu chuckled, nothing more than a soft chortle of air escaping, and he had to grin. Rob eyed him curiously, the smile still there, and suddenly he felt a lot more relaxed. This was still his friend, even if things had taken another radical turn. Rob was still a cheeky bastard, albeit one currently plastered to him like clothes to skin.

Not entirely sure what to do next – this part, unlike dreams of fervent moaning and entangled limbs, he'd never thought about – Sabu was quite glad that Rob wasn't one for snippy comments or demeaning remarks, because this particular courtship left much to be desired. Still, Sabu supposed, the other man wasn't doing much by ways of encouraging said courtship either, what with his habit of allowing Kid Kash to flirt endlessly. A thought that was particularly off-putting, causing Sabu to scowl.

Only, he was quite sure Kash had never gotten this far, which sparked the smile to return.

"What?" Rob asked, worry only slightly apparent in his voice. Sabu figured his smile must have looked quite evil and demonic, because Rob had never been worried about Sabu's amusement before. It didn't happen too often, and when it did Rob was usually the cause, so his friend had always seen it as a compliment, rather than something to worry about.

Sabu didn't respond to it, simply smiling at the alarmed look on the other man's face. Rob liked knowing what was going on, but Sabu had always suspected him of liking that bit of mystery as well. Why else would he hang out with him so much? It was knowing that something was lurking, beneath deep layers of experience and hardship, that Rob loved. He dealt with it so exquisitely, unfolding layer after layer, that Sabu didn't even realise he'd done it until afterwards. After Rob brought up something Sabu had had no intention of sharing, when he received a present he'd wanted years ago and had just casually mentioned, when Rob showed such insight in him that Sabu wondered why he hadn't seen before that Rob was perfect for him. Even though they were so opposite that no one ever thought they would last.

"We wouldn't work," he muttered. Perhaps that was why he'd hated Kash so, because everyone could see that Rob and the brat worked. They were compatible, worked well together, and unlike what Rob had with Sabu, with Kash everyone knew. Sabu had yet to meet someone who wasn't surprised at their unlikely friendship. No one thought he and Rob would survive. But they had, for many years now, and Sabu knew it was mostly Rob's effort. Though he, in turn, hadn't worked harder for anything in his life.

"We wouldn't," Rob confirmed, and Sabu knew he too would have realised that a long time ago, just too stubborn to give in. And even with all their differences, their bitch-fights and disagreements, they'd somehow started to work. The 'shouldn't' had become an always would. Through hardship and anger, with deceit and jealousy tearing at them, they would.

When Rob leaned in, Sabu wasn't surprised. It was rather exhilarating, though, to feel Rob's lips on his, the kiss cautious and indescribably slow, as Rob's hands rested on Sabu's hips and he somehow asked for permission through soft lips. Permission he'd gotten ages ago, though neither had realised.

With the kiss came that fire again, burning a hole through whatever Sabu had been thinking about. His mind a blank, he simply relented and drew in that unique taste he'd so desperately wanted to explore earlier. His mouth had stopped aching, the kisses so gentle that it did not hurt, though the touch of blood was still there. Somehow it fit, for it was a part of them. That barbaric, self-deprecating need was part of who they were. They were wrestlers, after all.

Fed up with the way Rob was skirting around it, Sabu pulled the man flush against him, mouth intent to do much more than just swap flighty kisses. There'd been too many agonizing weeks for him to do that. So he kissed him, roughly, pent up frustration flooding out through demanding lips and possessive growls. Kid Kash could have none of this.

"I'm not sharing," he whispered, hands itching to explore the other man's body, go farther than in-ring propriety allowed. He'd had to catch himself too many times.

"Huh?" Laboured breathing, Sabu barely allowing Rob time to ask. Why he'd even said it, Sabu didn't know, pretty much content with the soft little moans that vibrated against his lips. Pawing at the small, insignificant singlet that fit Rob so snugly, he almost forgot to reply, the material soaked and so very warm.

"I'm not sharing with Kash," he clarified, quite proud to have produced a fairly okay sentence. Giving in to a particular fantasy of his, he allowed a hand to drop, brushing across tanned skin, over that skimpy singlet, to rest on the swell of Rob's ass. The other hand soon followed, more than happy to touch what he hadn't been allowed to touch before, though angry that the offending material was still there.

Rob chuckled, pulling back slightly so he could take the time to smile and comment before attacking Sabu's neck with kisses and an incredibly hot tongue.

"Then don't." Rob looked down, momentarily, at Sabu's hand, happily staying where it was. "I thought you were all about the boobs?"

Distracted by the sound and feel of sloppy kisses against his neck, as well as the sensation of muscles moving under his hands, Sabu almost forgot to respond again, that particular habit becoming way too obvious.

"I am. You're just seriously lacking in that department," he commented, causing Rob to laugh against his neck, then press a tongue to the skin underneath Sabu's ear. It was sensitive there, even with him, and Sabu hissed softly at the feel.

"Ah, but other parts more than make up for that, I promise."

There was a purr to Rob's voice that should have been outlawed, this newfound courage the man had so striking that Sabu felt lost. He'd always worried that Rob would realise what sway he had over him. Feeling shivers race up his spine, he had to let out something that might have been a moan – though Sabu would never classify as such. Hands moved and he was lost again, lost in the sensation of fingertips dabbling here and there, tormenting him as they gradually made their way down his back, gracing the waistband of his pants, hooking in the glittery material before letting go.

"God, you're a tease," he growled, a puff of air against his skin showing Rob's amusement. It was light, but Sabu could feel every sigh, Rob way too close to ignore. He felt both flushed and safe, like the moment you've just woken up from a terrible dream. Dreadful images, of being caught outside, bare-naked, with people staring, but when opening your eyes completely alone and happily tucked away under heavy blankets. Only, he didn't dare open his eyes.

Rob kissed him again, something about the tremor in his hands so very strange. That wasn't like him, the striking certainty with which Rob usually dealt with him envied by many. Fragile he seemed, contrasted by the flirtatious whispers and his earlier teasing, looking at Sabu with cautious eyes. Cautious, but if the pressing against him spoke of anything, then Sabu was sure Rob wasn't letting go, either. Urgent kisses betrayed him, lapped up greedily by an all too willing recipient.

There would come an end to this, Sabu knew, his faith in Rob strong but not strong enough to think they could overcome mountains. Wrestling didn't work like that, it ruined everything, and he knew that they too would break. He didn't know what Rob had in mind, but if he had learned anything about his friend over the years, then it was that he was passionate about the things he loved, and loyal to a fault.

It wouldn't be enough.

He wished it could be, wished that the hot lips, loving hands – always there to catch him or set his skin on fire – Rob's glittery eyes and sneaky swipes of the tongue could be enough. He'd dared to imagine it, but even dreams faded. A deep sigh, caught by soft lips, that inevitability at the back of his mind like a ghost lingering. At least he had it now.

Sabu knew, through all the doubt and worry, that he'd fight with all his worth to hang on to it as long as he could.

-

Soft talking didn't disturb him anymore, even though Kid Kash was one of the people talking and he was talking to Rob. He watched them, of course, narrowed eyes flashing whenever the brat stepped too close, but he didn't worry. Not openly, anyway, and not about this.

He wondered if Rob knew what had started it all, as another Rob – not _his_ Rob – cautiously set up his table. A momentary flash of interest, perhaps he could break that table later on in the show, then the guy wasn't important anymore.

No one was important, really, except maybe his partner, and certainly not one of Paul's flunkies. Kash had joked about it, though, and Sabu could feel the brat was watching. Snickering caught his attention, Rob's glare disapproving. Kash still hadn't changed. Snide bastard.

Perhaps he should put things to rest, Sabu mused, keep his annoying friend from adding to the stories.

So he walked up to the table now covered in wrestling tapes, not sure what to say but feeling like he should say _something_. He could feel Rob watch him too, knew he'd be confused, but that was fine. Rob had always been watching him, anyway.

"Hey, Feinstein!"

The other man stopped, terror flashing across his face. Sabu had to snicker at that, but he forced himself to remain pleasant enough. He'd been in the wrong, he should be the bigger man about it.

"Don't look so scared. I just wanted to talk."

Feinstein paled. "Alright..."

"About the other day, you know, with the foam hands? Sorry about that, man."

He was sorry, but not about what it had resulted in.

"Huh?" Surprise, shoulders still tense.

"Yeah, I know it's been a while. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for roughing you up like that."

"That's...alright."

A small smile. "I was just looking out for my friend."

His friend, yet so much more.

"I understand."

Sabu knew the man never would. He nodded, though, guys like Feinstein didn't need to. Looking over at Rob, grinning at the quizzical look on his face, he knew that as long as Rob understood him, he'd be fine. And that was enough.

The End.


End file.
